A Feeling of Dismay
by FatesMistake
Summary: Harry decides to give Severus a gift for his birthday, but it's not received as well as he hoped. Can there be reconciliation? Or has Severus screwed up too great this time?
1. Chapter 1

Harry watched in silent dismay, his face carefully blank as he felt pieces of his heart fracture away with each word the Potions Master spoke at the front of the classroom. It was Severus' birthday and Harry had decided that it was the perfect opportunity to tell the man of his feelings. Said feelings had developed a few months ago, after nearly a year of what he would hesitantly call friendship between them. It had begun with a simple, tired-of-fighting apology from Harry, and a few weeks later had developed into a near-nightly meeting to talk about anything and everything. Because of this development in their relationship, and his aforementioned feelings, Harry had spent the last few weeks seeking out the perfect gift to reveal his feelings.

Snape paced behind his desk where the gift, a simple package as-yet unopened, sat innocently while the Potions Master expounded on the merits of 'not pranking a trained spy'. Harry couldn't breathe. He had thought that the sacrifices between them, their friendship, had bred mutual trust. He was wrong, made clearer with each sneering glare Snape shot him.

"I will not comment on the disgustingly sappy card, except to say that it might have been a nice touch if my _benefactor _had not pressed their advantage by detailing their wildly exaggerated _feelings_. As one of you felt the need to be _cute_ today, your Potions assignment will be to go through your books and select one of the many test potions to use on this ridiculous attempt at a practical joke." Snape sneered at the box.

Harry squeezed his eyes shut as he felt tears threaten and a lump begin to form in his throat. He wouldn't let himself cry, couldn't let the Slytherins know whose humiliation this was. He pulled his book from his bag and placed it on his desk, drawing a shuddering breath before flipping it open to the chapter he and Snape had spent hours poring over only last month so that Harry could tell whether his Christmas presents were safe. Obviously, this was meant as a dig towards him, since the majority of the potions were far below the advanced-level class. He selected the same one Severus had helped him brew at Christmas, just because he knew he wouldn't have to concentrate on it very much.

Snape continued his lecture. "As Seventh Years, I find myself surprised, despite myself, at the lack of grace and subtlety." Harry flinched as though he'd been struck, recalling the same words being chuckled the week before when he'd tripped over the man's couch in exhaustion on New Year's Eve. He bent his head as he felt the tears begin to fall despite his attempts to stop them.

Harry began to work on his potion, his hands automatically adjusting the recipe based on Snape's previous advice. He heard footsteps coming down the aisle between the desks and turned his head to the side, sighing as a tear landed in his half-finished potion. Immediately, the color of the potion started to turn a violent purple, leeching outward into the proper green coloring. He grabbed the sesame seeds Snape had taught him to keep on hand (used in most potions to leech out biological material) and began crushing them in his mortar just as Snape stopped at his desk.

"How incompetent can you be, Potter?"

Harry squeezed his eyes shut as several of his classmates' eyes turned towards them. This was the first time Snape had said anything even resembling cruel to him in months, and Harry could tell by their glances that they were contemplating the real purpose of the assignment.

"I asked you a question, Potter. Are you too incompetent to answer? Has your brain fried from exposure to camera flash-bulbs? You are a disgrace to the art of potion-making, Potter." Snape sneered down at him.

Harry slammed his mortar and pestle onto the table, causing more than half the class to jump, and turned to glare up at the Potions Master. His lower lip trembled as his tears fell harder. "Go to hell," He muttered. The young wizard reached down and grabbed his bag, shoving the Potions Master out of his way as he fled the room angrily.

As soon as he was in the corridor, he stopped and took a deep, shuddering breath, looking up at the ceiling. Behind him, he could hear the beginnings of Snape telling the class to go back to work. He sobbed at being dismissed on top of everything, and made his way down the corridor, not really paying attention to where his feet were taking him. After several long minutes, he heard the bell signaling the end of class. The sound of footsteps began to echo in the corridors and Harry took off running, knowing he would be found and confronted by one of his friends. He wound up outside and ignored it as the icy wind bit at him.

The young, broken-hearted wizard tripped on a solid bank of snow and fell to his knees on the pebbled beach of the frozen lake, sobbing as it began snowing for the third time that week. He sat back on his heels and stared up at the dark and brooding sky that reflected his mood perfectly. A sudden weight on his shoulders startled him from his thoughts. He looked and discovered the cloak he'd left in the Potions classroom.

Harry glared up at the Potions Master stood above him. "Not done humiliating me yet?" He demanded. He pushed himself off of the snow-covered ground and turned to walk away. A hand on his wrist stopped him.

"Harry, wait-"

The wizarding savior turned sharply, pulling his arm out of the grip. "You have no right to call me that, not after your little performance in there. I thought-" He stopped and let out a steam of breath. "Forget it, just leave me alone."

He turned to walk away again, but this time the hand grabbed his bicep, swinging him around into a strong embrace and desperate kiss. He shoved the Potions Master away. "What the hell are you doing, Severus? I told you to leave me alone!"

"You're acting like a child, Potter!"

Harry scoffed. "Am I? Well, I suppose it would take one to know one, wouldn't it?" He took a step back as the long fingers reached out for him. "Don't touch me, and don't come near me again. Hope you had a nice birthday, _Professor_." He turned once more to leave and this time Snape let him.


	2. Chapter 2

It had been a few days since the fight. The school had been surprisingly sympathetic towards Harry's position and had let him be. Snape hadn't been as lucky, receiving open disdain from even his Slytherins. Harry, however, had ignored the man, avoided him like the plague by taking the long routes to classes, secret passages, and convincing Dobby to bring him food in the Room of Requirement to avoid meals in the Hall. He had even gone so far as to speak with Albus, telling the Headmaster that he'd learned all he could from Snape and would prefer to be removed from the class. Albus had agreed on a probationary period, pending the results of testing. The test had thankfully been performed by Sinistra, who had achieved her Secondary Masters, but because Snape was _the_ Potions Master, the grading was left to him. For reasons Harry couldn't fathom, the man had postponed it repeatedly.

After nearly a week of avoiding the Great Hall, Harry decided he was tired of hiding and joined his friends at the Gryffindor table. After some short hello's the other's dissolved into conversations, recognizing that he wasn't ready yet to talk. The sound in the Hall dropped slightly as Snape entered, several students turning to glare at him. The Potions Master took his seat at the Staff table as if he didn't notice the looks.

"I can't believe he's still wearing that thing," Ginny mumbled.

"He's worn it for like a week now, hasn't he?" Ron asked.

Harry looked up from where he'd been pushing his food around on his plate. "Wearing what?" He asked suspiciously.

"That cloak. At first, none of us realized it was new, 'cause it looks black, but whenever the light catches it you can tell that it's a really dark green, and an entirely different fabric," Hermione whispered. "I noticed a few days ago that it's got some sort of design on the back, but I can't really tell what it is because the lines are almost the same color as the rest of the cloak."

"They're solid black, magically enhanced so you can't see the image clearly unless…you have the right mindset," Harry murmured moodily. "It's a lion and snake tangled together in either an intimate or threatening embrace, depending on how you look at it." He shoved himself away from the table as he felt his eyes begin to burn with tears for the thousandth time that week. He grabbed his bag and left the Great Hall quickly. He let his feet lead him away as he swiped angrily at the tears that didn't seem to end.

"Harry," A voice called. "Why are you down here?"

The Wizarding savior looked up and realized he was in the dungeons, in the corridor that led to Severus' personal quarters. He looked around to see Snape standing behind him. "Sorry, Professor, I wasn't paying attention to where I was going." He tried to move around the Potions Master, but the older wizard stopped him with a hand on his forearm.

"Harry, please talk to me," Snape pleaded softly. "Why did you ask Albus to take you out of my class?"

The student sighed, but didn't look around. "Why do you think, Severus? After what you did, said…I couldn't sit in your class twice a week, not knowing what you really thought of me."

"Why are you down here, Harry?"

"I told you, I wasn't paying attention to where I was going, I just knew that I didn't want to go back to the common room." He looked over his shoulder at his professor. "Why did you do it, Severus? Why would you sit with me for all those nights, pretending to be my friend when you obviously weren't? The stuff you did in class last week…that hurt, but not as much as knowing that the last year was a lie."

"It wasn't a lie, Harry," Severus said desperately. He pulled Harry closer, grabbing both of his hands. "What I did was wrong; I should've trusted you, should've known that you would never do something like what I accused you of, but I…" He trailed off.

"You what?" Harry implored weakly. Severus didn't answer and Harry forced a humorless laugh, dropping his hands. "Yeah, s'what I thought. You wanted to believe the worst of me, because it was easier than telling me you didn't feel the same. A year of pretending to be my friend and when you got my letter with the gift you realized it was getting too real, that you'd faked it too well; I had fallen for you. But laughing in my face wasn't enough, was it? You wanted to make sure _everyone _knew how foolish I was. Is that about it?"

"No, Harry, that isn't-"

"Stop lying to me!" Harry shouted.

"I'm not lying, I'm trying to tell you why I acted the way I did!"

"Then go ahead! Tell me how I'm an idiot, how I fell for your little game, but don't stand there making lame ex-mmph!" Harry's shouting was cut off as Snape slammed him against the wall in a violently passionate kiss.

The younger wizard grabbed Snape's lapel and pulled him flush against him, returning the kiss desperately as a hand fisted in his hair. The other hand gripped his hip bruisingly, pulling their bodies even closer, both men fighting to control the kiss. After what felt like an eternity, Snape pulled away just enough to gently lay his forehead against Harry's. The two stood for a moment, breathing heavily.

"I love you…I loved you before I even knew that I loved you. When you apologized last year, I wanted nothing more than to…to take you in my arms and…But when I saw the gift you'd left in my quarters and read the love letter that came with it, I couldn't…" Snape stopped and squeezed his eyes shut. "I'd loved you for so long, and never once did I see any sign of you-of your returning my feelings. After I read the letter, I couldn't believe that you'd felt anything like that towards me, that you could have hid something like that from me for any period of time. So I chose to believe that you'd seen something in my behavior and…I allowed my insecurities to override my logic, Harry, I'm sorry."

Harry sighed and stared at his hands playing with the buttons on the man's robes. "You're an idiot, Sev," He murmured, furrowing his brow. "I hid my feelings so well because I was terrified of exactly what happened."

Snape sighed as well and placed a gentle kiss on Harry's forehead. "I know, I'm sorry." He pulled the younger wizard into another toe-curling kiss.

Harry pulled away this time. "I…Gods, Sev, I want to be angry, I should hate you." He sobbed as tears began forming in his eyes again. "When I saw you wearing the cloak…I thought you were just adding insult to injury. A sort of testament: 'I broke Harry Potter's heart and kept the cloak that proves it'."

Snape cupped the younger wizard's face in work-worn hands. "I wore it daily, waiting for you to see me in it. I wanted you to come and confront me about it…I had thought that was why you came down here."

Harry bit his lip and shook his head, trying desperately to swallow the lump in his throat. "No, I didn't want to hear you say it. I came down here because it really is where my feet led me. Up until last week, I've never felt safer than when I am in the dungeons, curled up on your couch as we play chess or joke about-" He broke off with another sob. "How can I forgive you so easily? I should never want to talk to you again, but right now is the happiest I've felt in a long time."

"Then why, Harry? If you think you should be angry with me, why are you here, outside my quarters?" Severus prodded imploringly.

Harry frowned, unsure what it was Severus wanted him to say. Seeing the hopeful look in the deep black eyes, he realized what answer he'd wanted to give since Severus had found him down there. "Because, like an idiot, I love you," He whispered with a watery smile. He slid his hands up to curl behind the older wizard's neck. He giggled with surprise when strong arms wrapped around his waist and lifted his feet off the ground in an enthusiastic, twirling embrace.

Snape put their foreheads together, closing the black pools that Harry loved so much. "I love you, too, my Harry. I am so sorry, and I will spend the rest of our lives making it up to you, if you'll let me."

Harry grinned, wiping away the last of his tears. "Well, I suppose if it means that much to you." He answered haughtily, rolling his eyes and chuckling as long fingers pinched his side. The black eyes opened to scowl at him playfully as he was lowered the few inches back to the ground.

"You're lucky I love you, Potter," Snape growled against his lips.

The Gryffindor twirled some of the man's feathery-soft hair with his fingers, smirking. "Yeah, I am."


End file.
